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Tom Pendergast's avatar

Oh boy, I really related to this one … for a while. I’m now three-and-a-half years out from leaving the machine, and I don’t worry about these position/status issues in quite the same way anymore, though I’m also not beyond them. I’m going to keep reading your series.

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Matt Valkovic's avatar

Rick, this really resonates because it's very similar to how I felt when I left the Army. Even though I was in for only four years, I was told that and felt like it was the most important thing I'd ever do. In many ways, it was. But the way I've come to see it is that at that point in my life -- my early 20s, right after college -- serving in the Army was exactly where I was supposed to be. But thinking ahead about my life, I had an intuitive sense the Army wasn't where I was supposed to be in my 30s and 40s. I wanted to start a family and the Army, esp during Iraq & Afg, was not a great place to do so. Many friends did and I admired their courage and sacrifice but I knew I didn't want that life for my future family.

My current view is that our identities change as we get older and part of the challenge in our current identity is envisioning what a future identity looks like. We also get to take all the learning and growth from the previous periods with us to the next one. What do I *really* want to do in my 40s? Where do I want to be when I'm 50? What does my wife want to do? Our kids will be in college/high school and we'll be empty nesters -- in just over 10 years?! We'll need to take care of our aging parents too. A lot to think about.

And, your post reminded me that I still need to get "Working Identities"...

Really looking forward to your next post re: disappearing!

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