"First you hate them. And then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them.” — also, I feel this describes AI's coming upheaval a nutshell
- 8 of 10 interviewees had children (the 2 who didn’t planned on having kids eventually).
- 4 of the 8 had children under 18, and all spent A LOT of more time with them than normal people. 1 of those, MadFientist, was spending nearly ALL of his time right now parenting.
- 4 of the 8 were empty nesters.
I don’t want to speak for them, but my guess is that all of them found deep purpose in being a parent. But parenting alone isn’t enough, and they needed more purpose, or at least ways to fill their time when not with the kids.
We're one part of the group and have a purpose in life to help each other out, not every one is the same, each does what his God given talent allows him to do for others. We live in a co-op community, an all volunteer group, that helps each other out in what is needed to be done. Whether there is work or play or beneficial service all pitch in to help, so that we may go on to other things. Our community is well maintained, safe, independent, beautiful and inviting to others, we even have a waiting list of those that want to come and live here. One only needs a minimum of wealth, such as social security income to be here. From a Swede in Texas.
This goes hand-in-hand with my current audio book by Jordan Grumet MD called The Purpose Code. Instead of trying to change the world with a big P Purpose and getting lost, we need to align our passions with some small p purposes were we can connect and socialize beyond our work.
Really enjoyed this. I've followed the fire community for some time and have seen this happen to a few people when they finally pull the trigger. They become lost. The drive that got you there simply didn't disappear, you need to find something else to harness that drive.
The only caveat is that sometimes we hear from people in the middle of their figuring-it-out period. You'll see this a lot on Twitter/Reddit when people share their "I've FIREd but confused" posts.
But we're just seeing a snapshot in time. This person is in the middle of an important transition. Maybe they stay confused, but if they stick with it, maybe they come out better on the other side.
I wish we could get a 2-year retrospective on everyone's stories (e.g. "actually, I figured it out").
I really agree with Tom, a great conclusion of the series. This whole series opened up so much more reading and insights for me as an exited and FIRE:ed founder.
100%!!! I know someone who created nine figures of wealth and is utterly lost and rudderless; it's sad. ALL of the resources in the world and offering nothing back. Much less gaining anything...
This piece perfectly summarizes your series. The title is eye-catching and bold. It helps readers like me clearly see what restrains early retirees. "We think we're breaking free, but the real fear sets in when we are faced with the responsibility of living life on our own terms." We are so used to living up to others' expectations. External validation and appreciation have become the boundaries of our lives. When we lose these, fear and a sense of loss set in."
Nature abhors a vacuum. The man, woman, or child that escapes a system that they thought was a tool, but was actually a crutch is sure to stumble.
"First you hate them. And then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them.” — also, I feel this describes AI's coming upheaval a nutshell
"That's goddamn right." - Red
Well said. I like the "thought was a tool, but actually a crutch" metaphor.
You had me at Shawshank references
I came here to say the same thing! Great reference - perfect metaphor
not gonna lie... pretty proud that I was able to pull shawshank into my writing
None of these people have children, do they? Do any parents with kids feel like they don't have a purpose in life?
- 8 of 10 interviewees had children (the 2 who didn’t planned on having kids eventually).
- 4 of the 8 had children under 18, and all spent A LOT of more time with them than normal people. 1 of those, MadFientist, was spending nearly ALL of his time right now parenting.
- 4 of the 8 were empty nesters.
I don’t want to speak for them, but my guess is that all of them found deep purpose in being a parent. But parenting alone isn’t enough, and they needed more purpose, or at least ways to fill their time when not with the kids.
We're one part of the group and have a purpose in life to help each other out, not every one is the same, each does what his God given talent allows him to do for others. We live in a co-op community, an all volunteer group, that helps each other out in what is needed to be done. Whether there is work or play or beneficial service all pitch in to help, so that we may go on to other things. Our community is well maintained, safe, independent, beautiful and inviting to others, we even have a waiting list of those that want to come and live here. One only needs a minimum of wealth, such as social security income to be here. From a Swede in Texas.
This goes hand-in-hand with my current audio book by Jordan Grumet MD called The Purpose Code. Instead of trying to change the world with a big P Purpose and getting lost, we need to align our passions with some small p purposes were we can connect and socialize beyond our work.
A great book! And you may like my interview with Jordan 😉 (#3 in the series):
https://newsletter.thewayofwork.com/p/breaking-free
Really enjoyed this. I've followed the fire community for some time and have seen this happen to a few people when they finally pull the trigger. They become lost. The drive that got you there simply didn't disappear, you need to find something else to harness that drive.
100%
The only caveat is that sometimes we hear from people in the middle of their figuring-it-out period. You'll see this a lot on Twitter/Reddit when people share their "I've FIREd but confused" posts.
But we're just seeing a snapshot in time. This person is in the middle of an important transition. Maybe they stay confused, but if they stick with it, maybe they come out better on the other side.
I wish we could get a 2-year retrospective on everyone's stories (e.g. "actually, I figured it out").
People mistake freedom from oppression for freedom of becoming and aren’t ready for the latter
Love the title - i hit like before i even read it - will circle back when i'm done reading it
😂
Great post. I'm going to share it with a recently exited founder friend.
I see financial independence, moving beyond money-seeking as crossing the starting line
I like that framing…
Btw on the title, right before it went out, I was nervous about the swearing so I asked my wife. She nonchalantly said: “then change it.”
And her response immediately convinced me that I actually really liked it and there was no way I’d change it.😂
Ironically, the “fuck you” is actually addressed to your own ego. We get to decide to let go of the mental trappings that keep us from freedom.
That's a great way to put it, Bob.
This is really good Rick, a perfect distillation of the series. Looking forward to the next one.
Thanks Tom, as always for the support!
I really agree with Tom, a great conclusion of the series. This whole series opened up so much more reading and insights for me as an exited and FIRE:ed founder.
Thanks Bjorn for following along (and sharing your experiences in your writing as well).
100%!!! I know someone who created nine figures of wealth and is utterly lost and rudderless; it's sad. ALL of the resources in the world and offering nothing back. Much less gaining anything...
It's one thing to fail outright.
But it's another to "succeed," but end up in a state of failure anyways.
This is why I'm so drawn to the topic...
This piece perfectly summarizes your series. The title is eye-catching and bold. It helps readers like me clearly see what restrains early retirees. "We think we're breaking free, but the real fear sets in when we are faced with the responsibility of living life on our own terms." We are so used to living up to others' expectations. External validation and appreciation have become the boundaries of our lives. When we lose these, fear and a sense of loss set in."
Thanks for your support!