Can resonate a lot with this, as I imagine the vast majority of people who read this, especially given how society conditions us to tie success and ultimately identity to work. Not sure if you've read it, but David Brooks "The Second Mountain" deals a lot with the issue you describe. His whole point is that most people spend the first part of life chasing success, status, building something, and then at some point it either ends or just stops feeling like enough.
It's fairly funny that society puts the idea of success as the whole basis for identity in the first place given how shaky and inconsistent most people experience success anyway! It works while you’re in it and as you describe feels like an immense drug high, but once it’s gone there’s nothing underneath. Brook's answer isn’t really “find a new game”, it’s more about shifting towards commitments, like people, a vocation that feels like service, community, that kind of thing. Basically moving from what you achieve to what you’re responsible for.
Ryan Holiday’s "Ego Is the Enemy" feels related too, but more as a way to avoid getting too wrapped up in the first place. "The Second Mountain" feels more like what happens after the fact.
Dead on. I've read both "The Second Mountain" (prob my most recommended book lately) + "Ego is the Enemy."
Using Brook's analogy... I think my difficulty is:
a) I've found my new vocation: writing,
b) I've committed to it and it brings me great fulfillment,
c) but... as I try to find ways to share that writing with the world, I find myself slipping back into 1st mountain thinking (e.g. "how to make this a success?")
Basically, I'm in danger of recreating another 1st mountain with my 2nd mountain!! 😅
This level of self honesty and the ability to gently poke fun at oneself is a lost art in this hustle-grift-hype-achievement society, and it’s one I sorely miss. Thank you for this refreshing hit of courage. Chasing gold stars is indeed addictive and heavily reinforced, but we need EVERYONE who woke up from it to be shouting alarms to everyone. Just look at the world we sleep-built in that smoke-filled opium den. And fwiw, your book sounds absolutely up my alley.
Dead on, Sharon. In my writing, I attempt to convey that push-and-pull... the desire to get out of the achievement culture, yet still feel drawn to it (and unable to escape it).
Some may think: "well why listen to you, then?" which is fair, but I only hope to be truthful to my circumstances and caution anyone who thinks it's easy to simply bypass this altogether.
I’m undergoing a similar transition. I have a lot of professional contacts and almost zero in the creative spaces.
But I write about meaning, and have come to filter pretty much everything through a lens of meaning. So I’m ok not being known, as long as I can help some people. The more people, the better, for sure. I don’t expect to make much money doing this. I mean, it would be a nice bonus, for sure. But as long as my writing and speaking and coaching is helping someone, I feel deeply fulfilled.
If you haven't read it already, Rick Rubin's The Creative Act might provide some good perspective on this next piece of art you're creating. It sounds like you're nearing the stage of having to set it free into the world at which point you will lose complete control of it, and its fate will be outside of your influence. Scary stuff having to let go especially if your identity is tied to its success or failure. I think you see where I'm going with this...
Good call. I read The Creative Act a few years ago (when it came out), but he did bring up this very situation I'm in... I need to reference it. Thanks for the advice.
I was thinking about this today for the nth time in terms of "should I be striving for X fancy next-job like consulting or chief of staff" and I was wondering where this drive comes from? To me, it's mainly ego but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's a need, maybe like am addiction, but still a need
It's incredibly hard to parse out where it comes from and whether it's a positive or negative (probably both). More so, the point of this piece is just to admit not how I SHOULD feel, but how I DO feel.
Oh god, I thought you were going to end this saying you were going back to work, that you had taken a job! It’s just been past five years for me and I said to Sara yesterday as we were climbing our first mountain of the season that I finally felt comfortable in my skin again. Look, this is going to sound impossibly corny, but perhaps you’re a big deal because of your capacity to be so honest with yourself. That’s a quality very few people ever achieve.
When reviewing the draft, Alicia asked, "so you're just gonna end on that?" I thought about trying to come up with an alternate ending, but this one just felt the most honest.
Can resonate a lot with this, as I imagine the vast majority of people who read this, especially given how society conditions us to tie success and ultimately identity to work. Not sure if you've read it, but David Brooks "The Second Mountain" deals a lot with the issue you describe. His whole point is that most people spend the first part of life chasing success, status, building something, and then at some point it either ends or just stops feeling like enough.
It's fairly funny that society puts the idea of success as the whole basis for identity in the first place given how shaky and inconsistent most people experience success anyway! It works while you’re in it and as you describe feels like an immense drug high, but once it’s gone there’s nothing underneath. Brook's answer isn’t really “find a new game”, it’s more about shifting towards commitments, like people, a vocation that feels like service, community, that kind of thing. Basically moving from what you achieve to what you’re responsible for.
Ryan Holiday’s "Ego Is the Enemy" feels related too, but more as a way to avoid getting too wrapped up in the first place. "The Second Mountain" feels more like what happens after the fact.
Dead on. I've read both "The Second Mountain" (prob my most recommended book lately) + "Ego is the Enemy."
Using Brook's analogy... I think my difficulty is:
a) I've found my new vocation: writing,
b) I've committed to it and it brings me great fulfillment,
c) but... as I try to find ways to share that writing with the world, I find myself slipping back into 1st mountain thinking (e.g. "how to make this a success?")
Basically, I'm in danger of recreating another 1st mountain with my 2nd mountain!! 😅
This level of self honesty and the ability to gently poke fun at oneself is a lost art in this hustle-grift-hype-achievement society, and it’s one I sorely miss. Thank you for this refreshing hit of courage. Chasing gold stars is indeed addictive and heavily reinforced, but we need EVERYONE who woke up from it to be shouting alarms to everyone. Just look at the world we sleep-built in that smoke-filled opium den. And fwiw, your book sounds absolutely up my alley.
Dead on, Sharon. In my writing, I attempt to convey that push-and-pull... the desire to get out of the achievement culture, yet still feel drawn to it (and unable to escape it).
Some may think: "well why listen to you, then?" which is fair, but I only hope to be truthful to my circumstances and caution anyone who thinks it's easy to simply bypass this altogether.
I’m undergoing a similar transition. I have a lot of professional contacts and almost zero in the creative spaces.
But I write about meaning, and have come to filter pretty much everything through a lens of meaning. So I’m ok not being known, as long as I can help some people. The more people, the better, for sure. I don’t expect to make much money doing this. I mean, it would be a nice bonus, for sure. But as long as my writing and speaking and coaching is helping someone, I feel deeply fulfilled.
That's a grounded approach. I love connecting with readers around these deep topics,
My current difficulty is in not chasing the need to find TOO many readers.
If you haven't read it already, Rick Rubin's The Creative Act might provide some good perspective on this next piece of art you're creating. It sounds like you're nearing the stage of having to set it free into the world at which point you will lose complete control of it, and its fate will be outside of your influence. Scary stuff having to let go especially if your identity is tied to its success or failure. I think you see where I'm going with this...
Good call. I read The Creative Act a few years ago (when it came out), but he did bring up this very situation I'm in... I need to reference it. Thanks for the advice.
I was thinking about this today for the nth time in terms of "should I be striving for X fancy next-job like consulting or chief of staff" and I was wondering where this drive comes from? To me, it's mainly ego but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's a need, maybe like am addiction, but still a need
It's incredibly hard to parse out where it comes from and whether it's a positive or negative (probably both). More so, the point of this piece is just to admit not how I SHOULD feel, but how I DO feel.
I'm not sure if I feel seen or called out. Maybe they are the same thing.
More so calling myself out 😅, but can't say how it'll resonate with others.
Appreciate the raw honesty. This is the way.
Yes sir!
Appreciate the raw honesty. This is the way.
Kill yer ego or it will kill you. EOS.
🫡
Oh god, I thought you were going to end this saying you were going back to work, that you had taken a job! It’s just been past five years for me and I said to Sara yesterday as we were climbing our first mountain of the season that I finally felt comfortable in my skin again. Look, this is going to sound impossibly corny, but perhaps you’re a big deal because of your capacity to be so honest with yourself. That’s a quality very few people ever achieve.
Thanks Tom for the compliment. I like corny.
When reviewing the draft, Alicia asked, "so you're just gonna end on that?" I thought about trying to come up with an alternate ending, but this one just felt the most honest.
Honest is always good!